Welp, I'm back.
Sup.

I left IJ for a bit to go to fatsecret.com, and it was ... you know, it was great for a bit, but it was too public. I don't feel like sharing everything with the world. If someone stumbles across it, fine, whatever, but I felt like I had to manipulate things to get a better "score" or something. I don't know. I do know that recently I stopped using journaling altogether because I decided it wasn't a priority. I was working on accepting being fat and liking it. And I feel better, less neurotic. I needed that time.

On the other hand, I've gained some weight back and I can't afford clothes in new sizes, which means I need to get the weight back off. It's a tricky thing, because I want to keep a healthy attitude toward food and my body while still paying attention to my weight. I don't quite know how to do that. I know how I gained the weight, and that's because I've been eating nothing but junk food for weeks, on this insane schedule. Lots of pizza, mac and cheese, Taco Bell. I've been going through some changes in my life and my work situation and I've felt too poor to grocery shop, or too exhausted/lazy to cook. I need to get over that and move on.

I don't know how long I'll keep this up but at least the intent was there. This journal was incredibly helpful in helping me lose weight, but I gave in to a lot of rhetoric and a lot of neuroses that weren't healthy. I tried to keep a healthy attitude but I think a lot of the time I was fooling myself. I wish I could just not stress about food, but I've also got clothes to fit into.

Let's try again.