InsaneJournal

Pictures
I need to realize that a bad picture is a bad picture and not a reflection on my character or my personality. Because right now, seeing a bad picture of me absolutely shatters my self image. And I'm afraid to tell people not to take pictures of me when I'm not ready for it, but at the same time, seeing them on Facebook really can crush me, like instead of people going "wow that's a bad picture of Kait" they'll think I'm just hideous.

It also reminds me how much weight I've gained. I'm trying very, very hard not to let this get me down. I don't want to fall into the diet trap again, the obsession of losing weight, but I also don't want to feel like this. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin and there's this horrible conflict of interest. I can't force myself to be comfortable and confident like this because I was confident and comfortable forty pounds ago. But I also don't want to become obsessed with my


EDIT: I just kind of abandoned this halfway through and had a long talk with Jen. Feeling a little bit better and supported instead of wary.

Today's food:
- egg salad sandwich
- packet cheez-its
- ice pop
- cream cheese/crab/avocado sushi roll
- 1/2 taco bell fresco bean burrito
- 3/4 taco bell cheesy rice/bean burrito
- 3/4 large lemonade
- 2 coconut patties

I think that's ok? I don't even know. I feel like my idea of what's too much is really skewed, so if I eat any more than two small meals I'm overeating. I ate when I was hungry and when I ate taco bell, I quit when I wasn't hungry anymore. Which I normally never do. So good good good.