Weighty Kaity

Breakfast: Cinnamon roll oatmeal
Lunch: Tofurky sandwich, light chocolate soy milk
Dinner: Carrots in garlic-mushroom glaze

Today I didn't do an official workout but I danced around while cleaning my room and doing laundry. So I say that counts :D But I've gone a few days without working out - I've been unusually busy during morning-time, and that's when I like to exercise (I don't like to work out after, like, 2). Gotta get back to it!

Am feeling really fat today. x.x I think I'm retaining a lot of water right now and I just feel gross. Also, Oreos are my weakness. I have been eating Oreos. On the UP SIDE, I found Soy Delicious frozen dessert, which I didn't enjoy in chocolate-peanut butter but LOVE the plain chocolate ... and it's only 1.5 grams of fat per serving. So I can avoid Oreos when I need a sweet fix.

On another up side, I cooked from scratch two nights in a row and I'm going to do it again for dinner, which ... is just as good as getting into an exercise routine. :D Tonight, I think I'm going to make carrots. I was going to do carrots in a brown-sugar glaze but because I'm feeling chubby I think I'm going to stick to the typical garlic-onion-Borsari base and make it savory. Maybe I'll serve it over rice or quinoa, or just have a big bowl o' carrots.

Good day today! I'm in a real good mood and now I'm pleasantly tired. Ate well today and did YBB's Bollywood routine. I need to make a resolution to myself to spend a couple minutes every day stretching out the muscles in my legs. I'm really disappointed with how much my flexibility has waned over the years. I just need to remember that I have to take it slow and things will get better. I'm particularly disappointed in my straddle stretch. x.x It's really bad. My butterfly stretch is the only one that I'm really, really good with. WANNA BE FLEXY AGAIN. I even have a book about stretching. :O

Lunch: Zucchini & mushrooms over pasta
Snack: Salad w. raspberry vinaigrette
Snack: Cheerios
Dinner: Pineapple rice

There's really nothing in the kitchen at the moment for cooking. Even the staples are missing. No veggies but salad greens. Soooo I searched the pantry downstairs and I found a can of pineapple. And I made some pineapple rice. I could probably spice it up with some other ingredients but I didn't have any other ingredients XD

Informally, the pineapple rice was brown rice cooked in pineapple juice, then I sautéd the pineapple with mustard, ginger, garlic powder, and cayenne... I crushed up the pineapple (should have used crushed pineapple but I did not have any) and then added it to the rice, put in a splash of veggie stock, and... yay! It's actually really good, kind of a sweet-and-sour thing going on, but it's way higher on the sweet end, and I'm not sure how to cut the sweetness since I thought with the mustard and spices it'd be less sweet. Bad vegan, but it'd be REALLY good with shrimp.


... now that I've really eaten some, I'm actually really shocked at how good it is. Very sweet but ... wow. Considering I was really just dicking around I'm impressed.

Was really, really sore yesterday and was sore today, but I did YBB's Light and Easy rather than something more difficult... and I think I feel a lot better. At least mentally, and now I've got my blood flowing. So I feel good.

Breakfast: Cheerios w. soy milk
Snack: Small pretzel bites and small frozen lemonade (:O! OH NO)
Dinner: Veggie soup, roasted veggie flatbread (Pizzeria Uno) .. more than half left over and brought home

I seem to be gone during lunch time a lot, so ... no lunch fo' Kaity.

I worked out today with the Yoga Booty Ballet "Basic" routine, rather than any of the half-hour live programs that I normally do. The Basic workout is about 40-45 minutes and it's a GOOD workout. That is, I'm feeling a little rubbery at the moment. x.x It's divided into six sections that can be ... skipped or mismatched or whatever:

1. Warmup
2. Ballet
3. Sculpting
4. Yoga
5. Abs
6. Cooldown

The only thing I don't like about the program is that the yoga section in the middle seems disproportionately difficult to the rest of the program. Now, maybe it's just because I carry my weight in a certain way, or my arms aren't strong enough, but it's the only segment that I can't get all the way through without needing to just collapse in child's pose and rest. I got ALMOST through it this time but I definitely didn't do it all that well.

Time to get on track! I can't wait for it to warm up again so I can take my walks without freezing to death or slipping on ice and slush. I got an iPod shuffle for Christmas which is all loaded up with my walking/workout music and I can't wait to use it. When it's warmer.

Breakfast: oatmeal w. pumpkin butter, chocolate soymilk
Lunch: Leftover fassoulia and rice, water
Dinner: Mediterranean veggie sandwich, potato chips, pickle, iced green tea (Panera)
... and the rest of the fassoulia. The workout and work today made me super hungry!

Woke up this morning with Yoga Booty Ballet's Complete Body Shaping (which might be my favorite of the YBB series that I have). Two days in a row! It's a start! I'm a little sore, though. I may choose to just rest/stretch tomorrow. Working on getting into a routine of exercise just like I worked into a routine with good eating habits. I keep making excuses. No more excuses! :D

Breakfast/Lunch
• tea w. agave nectar
• whole wheat bagel with apple butter

I don't think I'm going to get to eat again until late tonight because of all the driving I'm going to be doing (1h15m drive to Batcheller Elementary, 30m setup, 1h class, 30m cleanup, 2h drive to staff meeting, 1+h staff meeting, 40m drive home). Last time I brought a salad with me but this week I ate all the peppers I was gonna put in that salad. I will have to check my fridge and see if I have anything more than lettuce.

Also, note to self? Don't go to the grocery store. You have plenty of food. Like, more than plenty of food. Use what you have and THEN go shopping. Don't just go shopping because you like shopping. You don't have the money!

^ I think I need to make a list of the things that I have to eat, and then cross them off as I go through them. Then, when my list is almost up, I will go shopping. HOW DOES THAT SOUND.

I wouldn't jump the gun just yet. I'm definitely not in a routine. However, I did work out today and I'm feeling really good. I'd like for it to be a regular occurrence and the only one who's going to make sure it stays that way is me. I have to stop making the excuses that I used to make about eating right (I've been making some excuses there, too, and eating a LOT----good stuff, but eating a LOT of it). Stop making excuses, realize what I want, and go for it.

There's no way I'm going to make my goal of 185 by Christmas, considering that's a week away and I'm still hovering between 195 and 198. I haven't been watching the scales, because weight fluctuation is ridiculous. I've been focusing on how I feel, and ... sure, I've felt OKAY, but I know I could feel better than I do, and part of that is getting back in shape. I don't remember the last time I was this out of shape----my singing voice is affected because of how out of breath I can get. Not cool. I wouldn't say that my stamina is low (I got through my whole workout today without wussing out), but I don't have the same breath power that I used to. I might be able to do a full workout but don't ask me to talk or sing through it. With a solo recital coming up in April, I need to be in the best physical shape possible in order to pull it off. Sometimes I forget how much my singing is affected by my health.

I also have Much Ado About Nothing coming up at the end of March. I've lost almost 45 pounds so far, and I've got a little over thirty to go. My goal was to be at 160 by early February. Will that happen? No. However, I'd like to drop a size and be down to a 14 by the time the show rolls around. I should be able to do it if I really inspire myself and focus. I tend to peter out around a 16, like it's impossible for me to get any smaller. I don't think that's true----it just requires some more work for me. I'm not going to say "this is just how I'm built" until I've tried everything and pushed through.

And if anything, this may be how I'm built but that's no excuse to be out of shape. If I'm going to stay a size 16, I want to be the healthiest, fittest, and most flexible size 16 you will ever see. :D

Now that I seem to have settled into a predominantly vegan diet, I feel the need to step it up and lower my intake of oils and fats. While my diet has been, for the most part, extremely healthy, I've been coasting along on some high-fat vegan junk food. When I cook, I use a lot of olive oil, vegenaise, soy butter, etc. Not as much as I ordinarily would, but I feel like I'm really doing myself no favors here. I'm also addicted to veggie straws, which ... is a bad thing, so I'm going to work to reduce that intake as well.

Hopefully I can make that as much of a habit as cutting out animal products. Cooking with more spices and less oil = good start. I tend to overestimate how much oil is really necessary, and I certainly overestimate the need for vegenaise and soy butter. I tend to be conservative with salad dressing; I should use that as a model.

I want to move away from this "junk-food vegan" funk that I've been in recently and move toward a more whole foods approach. This is technically being hard on myself. I've been doing exceptionally well! I just feel like my fat intake is a lot higher than it ought to be and a large part of my food intake consists of oils and fats when it doesn't have to --- which is why I haven't made a lot of progress in weight loss recently.

I also need to step it up with the exercise. I keep saying that and I keep falling flat with it, like I'm just setting myself up for failure. I need to outline my problems with exercise and why I stop doing it and then see how I can remedy those things. I have exercise DVDs that I REALLY enjoy, I just ... don't do them, which is a shame. I loved how I felt when I was exercising regularly, and I was 40 pounds heavier then.

I'm slowly changing my lifestyle one step at a time and now that my diet seems to be pretty much in line I've got to work on getting active. I'd like to say that I'll pop in a Yoga Booty Ballet DVD every morning when I wake up to warm up for the day, but I have a feeling that won't happen -- instead of setting myself up for failure by saying I won't do it, I'm going to try this again and say ... why not try it! At least 4 times a week to start.

Exercise

Activity
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon


Reflections: No exercise. My class sucked. I'm tired. I'm upset.

Exercise
• 30-minute walk outside, noon

Activity
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon; staff meeting, evening


Reflections: I find it hard to exercise when I'm despondent. -_- I was supposed to go visit Jen and stay the weekend tomorrow but it turns out there's a snowstorm across my entire route.. the entire weekend. So there's a 99% chance that it won't clear up and I can't go. So... grand.

However, I exercised anyway and it got my endorphins up so I'm in a more coherent mood. Today was GORGEOUS, which made me mad about the impending snow of doom and yet also just happy about the beautiful things in the world. :x I'm all over the place today.

Exercise

Activity
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon
• Errand: Staples, Home Goods, Big Y, afternoon

Reflections: NEED TO EXERCISE. But I feel better when I'm do long errands and walking around and energetic classes. Peh.

Exercise
• 10-minute ab workout, morning

Activity
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon


Reflections: Feeling discouraged like I wrote in my food diary. It's a rainy, bleh day and I want to layer in more exercise... lots more. Maybe when it's warm I will feel more able to do it but it's like... I don't know why I can't just up and do it, and can't be satisfied with exercising in my room. I feel like I've lost weight everywhere except my belly and I'm going to continue to look huge if that doesn't go away and I won't lose it without aerobic exercise... if I can lose it at all, it's all part of the insulin resistance bullshit. Ugh. Bad fucking mood.

Exercise

Activity
• Chores: Did lots of laundry, did all the dishes after dinner
• Errands: Fresh Acres, Staples


Reflections: Bah, no exercise today. Activity but no exercise. *snort* I love writing down all the things I do in a day instead of sitting around doing nothing. What a loser I am right now.

Exercise
• 25-minute indoor walk with step thingy and hand weights
• 5-minute ab workout

Activity
• Cleaned room and bathroom countertops (six trips up/down stairs)
• Attended production of Godspell (yeah, it's sitting around but it's sitting around somewhere ELSE!)


Reflections: .. ugh. I get really, really bored when I'm in my room exercising. Minutes take FOREVER to pass. My walk outside yesterday flew by... maybe because I was actually going somewhere.

Also, I wore my really heavy wing earrings... and I idly weighed myself with those earrings in, and then I weighed myself without the earrings... and there was literally a pound of difference. What the fuck is THAT?

Exercise
• 30-minute walk outside

Activity


Reflections: I wanted to take a walk today but it ... snowed a ton. Maybe I'll go take a snowy walk if the roads aren't bad. I need to stop making excuses and just DO it because I always feel good when I do. - Suck it, I took a walk anyway and the weather was GORGEOUS even if I got all wet 'cos it was slushy. But I did half the walk with dad (omg yay) and then he got tired so I did another lap by myself.

Exercise
• 6-minute ab workout, afternoon (had to stop 'cos I was running out the door)

Activity
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon


Reflections: Getting up the motivation to exercise is my hardest thing, especially after a truly exhausting day at work.

Exercise
• None, fuck it. Busy day. Bad day. Fuck it.
• Oh... I danced around the bedroom to Daft Punk for 20 minutes or so. :P

Activity
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon

Reflections: Whatever. Really bad Mad Science crap dealt with at staff meeting. I'm tired and I don't care.

Exercise
• 12-minute ab workout, morning
(let myself rest tonight; sore)

Activity
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon
• Errand: Fresh Acres, evening


Reflections: I feel a little sick today, a little... okay, "sick" isn't right. I'm somewhere out of my head. I don't feel like I'm here right now. I'm a little shaky and spaced out and I think it has to do with the stress of the Mad Science stuff. Still, I find that a little exercise clears my head. Last night my abs were really sore but I pushed through an evening workout anyway and I feel pretty good today. I'm noticing that little everyday tasks are easier because my core is stronger and that movement doesn't take the same kind of effort----I didn't think there was a lot of effort involved before but my thinking was warped because I didn't have much to compare it all to.

Exercise
• 12-minute ab workout, morning
• 12-minute ab workout, evening

Activity
• Errand: buy tempera paint for stupid Mad Science class
• Work: Mad Science class, afternoon
• Errand: drug store with mom


Reflections: Was a little on the sore side from working out yesterday but I made it through the morning routine without a problem. I did it first thing after waking up and stretching a little and it really helped prepare my head for the day instead of wandering around like a zombie for an hour.

I decided to include an "activity" section to this. It's different from getting up and exercising but I find that these days I spend so much time sitting around doing nothing in the house that I'm going to write down what active things I do that are up off my ass that aren't intended to be exercise. Mad Science includes carting around a heavy box (strong arms, woo) and teaching energetically in front of little kids up on my feet for an hour. I'm sure it burns a ton of calories. XD

Exercise
• 12-minute ab workout in the morning
• 12-minute ab workout at night

Reflections: I would like to manage at least THIS every day. It boosts my mood and feels good, so I'd like to start up and keep up with that again as I've started slacking off. --And I'm going to start writing it down so I'll feel like a hack if I don't. Working for Mad Science is like an hour-long workout with the amount of energy I use and the way I'm on my feet and moving around, and that's four days a week, so I think that should cover me until the weather gets warmer and I can be more comfortable taking walks around the block. I'm itching to do it on days when I have nothing else to do, I just feel like I have to get dressed up and do my hair in order to do that. Which is stupid. Tch.

But. I am going to record my exercising. Finally. I was doing ab stuff every day for the first week of the food diary and for some while before that but I never wrote it down... and then I got lazy and stopped. No more of that. I want to focus particularly on my abs and core right now and get that really strong. When my abs are strong my whole body feels strong and lifted, my posture is better, and movement is more effortless----I also want to avoid another low back injury. So, my YBB ab workout is divided into three 12-minute sections. I'd like to master the first one, then master the second, then master the third as my strength develops, and then be able to do the whole 36-minute ab routine at once.

So. Exercise log begins. Writing it down makes me accountable. I was going to include this as a short thing in my food diary because I don't quite know if it warrants an entire post when I'm not writing a ton like this, but maybe giving it its own post will encourage me to write more and think more about it. If it worked for the food diary it can work for exercise.

Eventually I will choose a day to be my break-day but right now I don't think I can afford to rest. I'm not doing that much, and I have a bad habit that if I stop for one day I won't go back to it.