Weighty Kaity

I almost cried today because this shirt-dress came in the mail for me. It's a size L (a small size L, rather than an Old Navy L)... yeah, it's a babydoll fit but it actually fits me, doesn't look tight or anything. So this is me, I'm at 200 lbs even.

These aren't "after" photos. These are "progress" photos. So, if you remember last summer...

( Another picture from last summer for comparison )

( How do I look? )

I feel pretty damn good. I wore my MOTHER'S staff shirt to WSYT's sharing night, which is a size L, as opposed to the 2X I wore last year. However, I'm still having a hard time viewing myself as a smaller person. It's a weird adjustment because I LIVE with myself. I can't see my progress. o.o But I still feel good! I'm not afraid of cameras right now :)

I dread posting these, but they're inspiration.

These are from this summer. When I'm in the blue shirt I'm working for the Wilbraham Summer Youth Theatre. I'll be working with them this summer, too, as a full-fledged company leader, and I don't want to be fat. I just don't. I distinctly remember my weight issues were so bad that I was too self-conscious to go to the pool party because I knew photos would be taken, and too self-conscious to PERFORM at the talent show because I knew there would be photos. I don't DO that. I just don't do that, that's not me. I won't let that happen again. I don't know how bad my weight was then. I know that around Thanksgiving my weight was as much as 238 (my old roommates had a scale when I went to visit them), so... this is around that range.

I've been told that I'm "vain" and focus too much on photographs. I kind of have to think about my appearance. I'm an actor. I sell my talent but I also sell my looks, my package. I have to think about how I look in photos and when I don't LIKE how I look, it really does crush my sense of self worth. I want to lose the weight so I can take that factor out of the equation. I'm not saying that if I lose weight I will love every photo of me, because that's ridiculous, but I do know that I won't be nearly so concerned.

( Not a fan )