Weighty Kaity

It's been 10 months (WHAT??) since making the choice to go vegan, and while I've shifted between vegan and pescetarian, while I've occasionally consumed dairy products in desserts and baked goods, I've really drastically changed the way that I eat----and for the better. Am I always good? No. Am I always vegan? No. But I'm healthy and I'm happy.

Starting June 1, my girlfriend and I are moving into a new apartment, and we've vowed to take care of one another health-wise and really get off to a good start. Over the last year I've done a lot of experimenting as to what I like, what I don't like, or stuff that I like but won't prepare, etc. Because I'll be living in a new place and dealing with a drastically reduced budget, I've decided to make a list of the things that I need to have stocked in my kitchen in order to be happy and healthy. These are things that I eat regularly, things I can grab in a pinch, things I can cook with without getting all fancy----things I won't let go to waste because I forget it's there or bought it for something special and don't use it.

After a lot of experimenting, it largely boils down to this:

Pantry
Bob's Red Mill "Vegi" soup mix
Amy's lentil vegetable canned soup
brown rice pasta
rice
canned tomatoes
canned green beans
sweet potatoes
red onions
garlic
extra virgin olive oil
sea salt
black pepper
spices: cumin, allspice, paprika, cinnamon, celery salt, Borsari
crispy onions salad topping
spinach wraps and/or whole grain bread (I haven't had bible bread in a -while- :(!)
Kashi Autumn Wheat cereal

Fridge
romaine lettuce
cucumbers
bell peppers
seedless red grapes
Empire apples
watermelon
Earth Balance soy butter
Silk light plain
Silk light chocolate
Annie's lite raspberry vinaigrette
Annie's vegan worcestershire sauce
Tofurky deli slices
Vegenaise
Tribe hummus
spicy mustard


Recently, I've been having a problem with snacking, where I eat chips and other snacks just because they're in the cupboard and I can eat them easily. I'm not satisfied by them, but they just ... kill a craving, I guess. I don't like doing that, so now that I'm conscious of it I'm going to try and stop. I've prepped some salads and am keeping them in the fridge to take out for lunches, and I have all my sandwich veggies sliced and ready to go. Part of the difficulty is always preparation, and being too lazy to cook. I LOVE to cook, I LOVE to work in the kitchen, but there are a lot of times when I just don't feel like it. So if I prep things in advance while I DO feel like it, I can reap the benefits later.

That's it right now. I haven't been updating a lot. I haven't updated regularly in a long time. I feel like I've made some permanent changes in my eating habits and this journal helped me get there----but I can't be dependent on it. I can't obsess. Now, I'm not always perfect, but that's okay. I'm working on not feeling guilty for slip-ups or willful indulgences. I learn from them, or I enjoy them and move forward. Life's too short to not enjoy some cake from time to time.

I'll set some exercise goals at SOME point but for now, I need to get my food goals back on track. I'm getting exercise at the show. Is it enough? Probably not. I'm just waiting for the pool to open again; I hope I can stop being stupid and lazy about changing into bathing suits and whatnot and actually go swimming all the time this summer. That's what the pool is for, and last year I was only out there once or twice. Ew. But. Okay. So the last couple of weeks I've slipped, majorly. I need to remind myself of where I'm going and what I'm doing, and I've made up some new concrete rules. I used to be fine saying "Oh, I can eat anything, I just have to be smart." For now, I'm going to put up some restrictions, make some clear substitutions. I don't like self-denial, I don't like saying I CAN'T do anything, because when I say "I can't" that generally means "I want to." But right now? I'm going to have to skip over that mentality. I need to say "I refuse" to some foods while I get back into the right habits.

In this case, "no" means no. No exceptions. If I say I can't have it, I can't have it. The only exception day will be Sunday. If I am craving a particular unhealthy, high-calorie food, I will have it on a Sunday and then be done with it. I can't have it otherwise. And this doesn't mean binging on Sundays. If I don't have a craving, I won't indulge.

SAY "NO" TO: Cookies, pastries, doughnuts, candy --- all sugar- and fat-loaded sweets.
CHANGE: Quaker Mini-Delights (really satisfies the Grasshopper craving), SnackWells fat-free devil's food cookies, PlumSweets (dark chocolate-covered prunes)

SAY "NO" TO: Fried foods! Avoid Chinese food and ESPECIALLY crab rangoon.

SAY "NO" TO: Red meat. This really isn't a necessary thing for my diet, I've just been kind of squicked by it lately so I haven't wanted to eat it; might as well put it on the list. This includes hamburgers and hot dogs. Coming up on summer that's going to be a BITCH and I know I'll make exceptions but it's going on the "NO" list anyway.
CHANGE: Experiment with low-fat replacements and vegetarian options.

SAY "NO" TO: Cereals that I'm prone to eat a lot of: Special K, Rice Krispies, Multi-Grain Cheerios, Rice Chex, Corn Flakes, etc. I can sit down and literally eat seven bowls of the stuff.
CHANGE: Hearty cereals like Kashi GoLean Crunch, Frosted Mini-Wheats, Bran Flakes, Great Grains -- will keep me from eating half a box. Ugh.

SAY "NO" TO: Macaroni and cheese, big pasta dishes, tortellini soup, creamy soup (clam chowder, cream of chicken, etc), bouillon cubes (hella sodium).
CHANGE: Low-calorie chicken-broth based canned soups to get that same warm comfort factor. The tortellini soup the way I do it these days isn't necessarily all that bad for me, but I'm going to try and cut it out of my diet for now except for the occasional Sunday.

SAY "NO" TO: Drinking all my calories!!
CHANGE: Allow for ONE large glass of 1% or fat-free milk per day OR one large glass of light chocolate soy milk, one small glass of 100% juice per day if desired. Otherwise, water (Crystal Light / Lipton flavor stuff is acceptable to add). This seems a little extreme for me and eventually I'll change it, but right now I'm drinking a LOT of calories and I need to seriously cut back on that and stop drinking calories and sugar when I really don't need to.

SAY "YES" TO: Fresh fruits and vegetables. All the time. I know. That's a shocker...!


I have a bad habit of continuing to eat once I've started eating. At least this way if I do it, I won't be consuming as many bad things. It's a start. :) I also hate labeling things as "good" and "bad" in terms of food; that's so wrong. But right now that's what I need to do.

For anyone who stumbles by this and reads it... my name's Kait, and this is my journal for weight loss. I really didn't want to do this, and resisted the "weight loss blog" trend for a long time before I realized it might give me some focus. So... here it is.

The first time I was told I was overweight was when I was 12 years old, at 175. I haven't been 175 since then. I've been overweight pretty much my whole life (I'm almost 23), so the idea of losing this weight seems like an impossibility... and a scary frontier. I don't know what's under here. I'm not a person who was thin and then ballooned out and knows what they want to get back to. This is completely foreign to me, and I think for a long time I've subconsciously stopped myself from doing what I need to do. Now, I'm out of college, I'm setting out on my own with goals of putting my actor training to use----and realizing that my weight is my primary inhibitor. I think being a "plus-size" actress has been extremely beneficial to my development as an actor and as a person, but I'm ready to move on and get to a thinner state.

This isn't the start of my weight loss. I've lost about 10-15 pounds over the last two months... about. I don't own a scale. That's a goal I need to accomplish, too. My eating habits have drastically improved over the last few weeks and I'm on the right track. I want to STAY on the right track. So I'm writing things down in the hope that I stick with writing things down, and get all my weighty frustrations out here.

Height: 5'6"
Current Weight: 220 231 (size 20)

My Bad Habits
• Compulsive overeating
• Laziness about exercise
• "Comfort food" trap----macaroni and cheese, huge pasta dishes, cookies (always eat too much)
• Over-salt most foods (especially rice and beef)
• Inability to stick to goals----they're good for a week and then abandoned
• Low self-esteem about appearance & constant preoccupation with how I look
• Overly critical of myself in photographs/video----self-hatred leads to comfort eating
• Fear of actually succeeding with weight loss goals
• Deciding that it's useless because I've always been "a big girl."

My Good Habits
Because those should be celebrated, too!
• Don't drink any soda, drink minimal coffee (2-6 times/month)
• Love fresh fruits and vegetables
• Love grocery shopping for healthy foods
• Avoid chemicals, additives, and other unnatural products in food
• Take pride in my appearance, and I know how to wear clothes that flatter my body
• Am flexible (especially for my size) and a good dancer!
• Love and accept my body "as is" and respect it enough to want to take care of it

They're Good Habits, BUT...
• I drink 1% milk, but I drink far too much (4-7 glasses/DAY)
• I love fruits & veggies, but I resist snacking on them
• I don't eat sugary cereal, but I eat cereal in excessive quantities
• I enjoy exercise when it's interesting, but I have trouble actually getting up and doing it

Goals
• Goal Weight: 160
• Buy a freaking scale!!
• Weigh 200 by May 1
• Find and stick to a consistent exercise regimen

Plan - For Now
• Keep a daily food (and exercise) diary
• Eat fresh & natural foods, avoid unpronounceable chemicals whenever possible
• Jump back on the horse any time I eat badly -- no giving up and going back
• Drink 1-3 glasses of milk/day instead of 4-7
• Eat healthier snacks in smaller amounts
• Exercise abs for at least 10 minutes/day -- other exercise 3 times a week for now
• Pamper myself by taking care of my body's cleanliness and appearance, not by eating

So... here we go.